Sunday, February 28, 2016

Masterless and Rage


What will you do now? Will you finally lay down your sword? 

I will continue to believe in what I believe in. I haven't been proven otherwise and with how this lifetime has been, the things I have seen and felt, the people I have met.... I don't think there is anything more to the world than what has been dropped on me. 

It's funny. 

What is?

You've become so jaded. You became the embodiment of hate, spite, and you have grown to mistrust so much... sometimes even in 'us'. It's like we switched. 

Yeah, we kind of did. The difference is I have embraced my flaws and my wrong doings.

So, you still believe in her? 

I believe your definition has given you something that she -never- gave anyone else in this fiction that we live. Her words are true even if her actions are flawed... much like you. It's the reason why I believe that she has a purpose for you. 

It's not just words too you know.

Oh I know. I believe that if a person truly gave something like that, it's more worth to you than other people. The others are regretfully just chapters, you two have and will always be the main story in that fiction. Everyone else had their own agenda. Don't ever be afraid of the consequence of what you two did. Don't ever regret the fact that she makes you feel something like you never felt... vice versa. She is special, far more than she has ever let on and made herself to believe. She is very flawed, but I think because you two accept it... you two accept your faults that are both good -and- bad for each other, you two can always have a story. The others are either lost or too settled in the tallest mount to even acknowledge things. And that's fine... which is why for YOU, you're only true meaning and priority will always be her. You met her for a reason... and as strange as this may sound, I don't think it was a complete total loss unlike the other rapports. 

That's a strange advice coming from you. My choices with her could very well be the destruction of yours. 

Maybe, maybe not. As much as I know other things, I can't say for sure in this. I only really know regrets and disappointments.... but just like yours, she made me feel alive. And she is as flawed as she can be, but she is who she is. 

Will you continue to fight? 

I will continue to believe and remind her that 'us' before anything was better. She already stated the words I needed to hear... she knows that your definition and everything entails with it, our choices, our sins.... the people that we met.... she knows and believes that if those never happened, she and I would be in harmony. 

And what of the last? 

She can smirk. She can sit on her horse. She can continue to be a hero, that's fine. I have already concluded that she isn't to be trusted and her spite for not being at a certain place with you, for being so 'infallible' that us 'flawed' are just mongrels.... well, it is what it is and perhaps the second life will teach a lesson that I can't teach. 

You agreed to give peace.

I agreed not to fight, that doesn't mean I lul myself from my beliefs. We are flawed... you, me, your definition, and my Angel of the Night.... we know it, we admit to it. Some of us didn't live a sheltered life and didn't have things handed down to us and we may be unfortunate, but at least some of us can say that we gained our footing because we fought. We are stepping on our grounds because we have beliefs that are real and our own. You have to remember, I used to be a hero... I know the err in those ways far more. 

I wish I could have fought. I wish the result was a bit more inspiring than what it is now. I wish that somewhere down the road in this lifetime that 'friendship' truly is magic.

In some peculiar way, I believe it can be. People just need to be a bit more honest with themselves and each other. And that fault is on -everyone- including us. We are all flawed and we all need to rise up against our own demons. We all need to remember the value of memories, words, and actions. 

Yeah. I know. So what now? 

I'm going to be gone for a bit. I'm going to be there for someone I have abandoned. Perhaps I can recreate more roads for her.

As long as you abide by her request of slowing down.

Hah. You're one to talk. 

Take care then. I suppose we'll talk when something disastrous has happened. 

Take care of her. Keep tugging at her. Help her remember when she finds the time. And watch out for the other.... and take care of her too. 

I will on both. The other did mean something at one point to you and me. 

Maybe to you. I can't honor people who chastised and look down on those who are flawed and continually make mistakes. Like I said, not everyone is fortunate to have a sheltered and good life... some have to work hard for where they are. I just hope that the damage by her existence isn't as extensive as I picture it to be. 

Didn't you say that your own will not take any aspersions when it happens? 

Yes she did say that. But still...... I wish I could have prevented it because only one knows just how much poison is being thrown about.... I was too late this time, and I will live the rest of my days with my regret and shame--and I will take it from here on out. 

Just go. =) I'll handle everything for now, okay? 

I hope so. But regardless.... Be malleable for this world. =) 

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