Poison

Poison

-a substance that is capable of causing the lines or death of a living organism when introduced or absorbed. 

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Humor me.

I have lived a life full of tragedy, mockery, betrayals and lies; failures and disappointments, regrets and rage. Now I'm at another fork in the road.

Life has always been as it is. My story is driven by the events all around me; people are people and I wish at times I meet different faces, or at the very least, faces that I don't have to keep on their feet, or faces that don't say what they are but in the crisis of a pivotal moment, keep choosing to make the 'easier' way because adequate judgement surpass them.

I wish there was a way that people will just let me remedy my mistakes. Where people can just let me remedy the sins I have committed... let me erase the events that caused the poison to spread.

I once had it all but it came crashing down. Now I'm here and in the wake of my fall, I experience life for what it has always been. The funniest thing about this time is that people who have not felt tragedy are trying to tell me to get up and stand and fight when -the true fight- are beyond them.

I hope in the other side... beyond this hell could mean more. Maybe in the other side people are real, true, and maybe on the other side I can have what I wanted all along.

Maybe the other side is the gate to a pivotal moment... the first moment was denying the poison of a false eternity; denying myself to believe that immortality for the sake of love truly exists because it doesn't.

Erasing that event will destroy the events of that empire, delete all the faces, and prevent the poison from spreading.

Life is a freaking joke and we all play our parts on the punchline. I have just let people use me far more than I have used others for laughter.

Next life time will be different. Next time, I'm going to take what I want and use whoever. I will be the poison next time and I will enjoy watching everyone who has done me wrong writhe in the meaning of my next new existence.

I am no hero. I am not a saint. I am liar. A betrayer. I am unkind. I am dishonest. I am masterless. I am hatred and I am regret.

All the angst I have felt, I will pour it upon the worlds of those who have misused me and make them feel how it is to be broken, destroyed, meaningless, and drowning in despair.

I will inflict my carnage upon you. Then and only then can you truly know what the meaning of my world that all of you have so joyfully abused.