To this Day

I did a lot of things different this year. I had a different mentality than I have ever had for a long time. It served its purpose right. For the most part, I decided that his day, the majority of it, was going to be spent on my own doing the things that made me... me.

I never thought there was going to be some comfort in just watching friends laugh and talk about everything... there was a slight satisfaction from seeing lovers young and old revel in each other's company... Everyone had someone... everyone cared for their specific other person/s... while I sat alone. Alone in a sense that, it was just the comfort of knowing that I have myself and everyone ... is just everybody else.

I know the cold truth of this lifetime and what was done wrong. I know that... no matter how much I try to say things or make people see, everyone and anyone just thinks I'm a broken record... it's because people don't get or understand or want to understand(for a myriad of reasons) that I am a broken record. Life changes people to hear. Pride gets in the way. Obliviousness and lack of motivation. So many things to list...

That's okay. People are people and this lifetime has shown me so many aspects of them. It also taught me a lot about how and how I am in relation to them... it also conveyed to me that there are very few who tries hard to be better than themselves everyday.... I know I fail at it, but at least I know I try.

I tried last year despite being skewered with life's problem.

This year I realized that no matter what, I am always alone.

Next life time will be different. Very different. It will be better for me. And I will do whatever it takes to make it that way.

So here's to another year then.