Friday, May 20, 2016

Masterless and Rage: Wages of Heroism


What are you trying to do exactly? Are you trying to be a hero? 

No. You're fully aware of the fact that I am not capable of being one. I am too selfish, too destructive, too flawed, and much too tainted to even cross that line drawn in front of me.

Then what are you doing trying to patch things up? Trying to mend a battle that isn't yours to fight? Trying to make a picture 'real' when it was never truly given breath because it wasn't meant to be?

Because perhaps .... I think there might be a reason. Because despite it all, maybe, just maybe...

You're trying to be a hero. 

I kept the whole thing afloat. Held the grounds with my barehands and levitated it with my wings. Isn't that a testament of heroic antics? 

No. You know why you kept it up. It wasn't for heroism either; don't fool yourself.

..... I did it because it was my story. I did it because it had something for me. It was fun. And in more ways than one, I adored and cared for the lot of them....

Yes. If it is for that reason, then mend things and help, but as your definition told you, it's not on YOU to patch things up between the two of them. Don't be a hero. We aren't meant to be like heroes. You and I don't stay in the fight so that we can have a 'special perfect' group of 'super friends'. We stay... we fight because we want to fight. Because we have a purpose. Heroes stay and fight until they lose then they fly away to a new city where they can be embellished and revered. A place where they can have all the moral support that casts them into a 'perfect person who is untarnished and knows all'. Where they can flaunt the definition of enduring without being ACTUALLY challenged to endure. 

You've made your point. I am not a hero; nor do I claim to be. I am a villain trying to be better than yesterday. Trying to make things right as best as I can to benefit me and everyone who choose to benefit from me.

Then why are you doing it then?

I do it for redemption. 

Redemption has to be a two way road. At the end of the day, who is still here? Who is still trying to redeem? Who is TRYING to live up to their word DESPITE imperfections? Who still gives you words and inspiration? 

You know the fucking answer to that. 

Yes I do. But You need to remember WHO is the one reaching out now? At the end of the day, it's the person who still tries to keep their promise you know. It's not the one who flies away because for once in their life they faced someone who can't see them as a testament of perfection. Because one chose to challenge you, they are given the feeling of failing, and even then they can't face it despite failure being the threads that made the cape and cowl. 

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