Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Masterless and Rage: A Small Victory


One say that the story is meant for four; that without the four, there would be no story. The other one believes that the true nature of the story is about my relations with the three and how I held it all together. Yours.... yours believes in indifference but acknowledges that there are still other characters even if the story is about me. 

And what do you believe in? 

It has always been my story. It has always been my burden, my sole purpose, my only reason to even have a defined existence. The story is best told from my point of view, my hand, and my words. One can chastise and disregard that fact, but without me, there never would have been the small victories to take. 

For a team who is named after the thought of winning, you sure all lost quite a bit in the process. 

I held the foundation... I carried the soil they all depended on but unfortunately, I couldn't carry it all after some point. 

Your armor had leaks... dents...

Eternity collapsed and from there I couldn't fly nor fight anymore. I started to become distorted. I started to lose myself... and in the process... I Lost. 

I lost.

But in my time of need, when I needed people to fight for me it all turned against me. One fought me, challenged my definition, my meaning, my saving graces and what I knew. The other nearly gave up and ran away. Then yours.... she was never in the fight; she never fought. She merely just retreated. 

In our time of need, we didn't need them. We needed ourselves. 

But I needed something to fight for when the night came. When your fight was over for the day, I needed something... and all that.... challenged... abandoned... forgotten. 

It's a story we all know. So why are you here now? Why do you still care? You're no hero. You're not even close to it.

Stories are best told from one who isn't 'bred to be perfect', the one who suffered and lost... those are the stories that truly define the plot. A plot driven by a character... a character so jaded by life and decided to fight still.... no origin of a hero can truly outshine a villain's who is trying to be better than yesterday. I care because I fought for it. I care because I gave myself to it. I care because... I had hope. I care because the times she is able to come back, I feel guilty that it all collapsed and I wasn't able to hold it all together. 

She never really cared about the empty chairs. She truly only wanted it to be a table for two. Just like you. 

In that sense, we are a bit different. Part of me wanted it to be four.... but I suppose that wasn't meant to win. Not when only -ONE- fought for four. 

And amidst all that, people started moving on anyways when they felt the ground collapsed. When they found out you couldn't carry it, they flew off to the better yesterday where there is no strife nor despair.... the place where it takes no work to keep together... because that's what heroes really want. They don't want to fight when no one sees them as a hero... they want to fly have the little ones below them venerate at the sight of their capes and cowls. Heroes are cowards. Heroes aren't like you and me. And then the other never really believed in the story. She followed for me but when I was lost, she left a LONG time ago. So you are the last. The last Vixen. The last one. 

For being the last, I am rewarded with the memories off it all. I grieve. 

Try not to as much. She's still there for you. She still makes you smile. Despite all the barbs and all the aspersions... as she said, who is still left to keep some of it alive? 

She and I. 

Then that story has a victory. 

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