I remember when we were young. I remember the first time I saw you. I heard you. I remember the days that rolled by that will forever define what you and I are. What you and I were meant to be. Despite the distance, despite the obstacles, despite the things the words and the disdains of our own disagreement, we were always meant to be. We were always meant to do the things that we did. It was our own. It was our memories. It was you and me. Just you and me.
Just you and me.
But I took a step into eternity. I took the vows... and after all these years you finally told me how you took that. What the days meant for you.... the facade you had to put up. The loss you felt. But you were always in my thoughts. It was always you. Will always be you.
Despite it all, we kept on. We moved on. We were always just you and me. You smiled, I smiled back, and we held each other into depths of the unknown despite it all.
But the great definition came. My abhorrent choice. My stupidity. What the vow didn't break, what eternity couldn't do, this one did. Heroes came. Fallacies came. And the years rolled by and the walls kept getting taller between you and me.... Walls I built.... and walls you had to build. You had to take some solace... you had to rebound from the heart that I shattered.... you had to take comfort in a hero who would built his own agendas with you, all the while he promoted my own stupid choices.
You had to watch as I built my walls and shared my dreams with you. And you watched. You listened. You smiled. And despite it all.......... you smiled and you were there. You are here.
I'm here again. I'm back. A bit lost. A bit bruised. Shaken. And forever living each day with my regret. I regret the pain I have caused you. I regret having thrown away all those years. I regret not being there when you have felt your loss. I regret not taking heed to the memories that you gave me. I regret not letting this side of me out at the times you needed it. I regret forcing you to deal with these emotions, forced to move on while I kept mine buried....... I regret how it is now. I regret my vow and my choice for entering that empire. Now there is more distance and we are working our way through. Now there are poisons, laughing everyday at my mishaps. Now there is no eternity, and I only have myself. And perhaps this is what I deserve and I'll live everyday to remind myself of my regrets. I will live everyday in anguish because the one person that truly was genuine, warm, loyal, and loving, spent years behind a defined wall suffering, as she confided with heroes and second rates.... now I am mocked. Judged. And suffering.
And perhaps that is my karma. And I will live the rest of my days paying for it. I will live everyday enduring what my mistake and regrets have done.
But I promise you, I'll try to make things right. I will ensure that in this lifetime, I will rebuild some of what made us, US despite the factors and the hurdles. Despite the poison of others, despite the notion of what is and what isn't. I will define what it means to be you and me despite the vows, the legacies, and despite ALL of my regrets, I will make this lifetime be the bridge for the next....
And next lifetime, it will be just you and me. I will make what if into a reality. I will have a bullet for every hero's head that gets in the way. I will have remedies for every poison.... And I will fix all those lies. Your smile won't be a beautiful lie. And what we couldn't do when we were young and what we are now... it will happen. I fucking promise you that.
Just you and me. And the only regret we will have is that everyday won't have enough hours for all the things we will do and all the memories we will create together... side by side. 7=)
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