If I can undo it all, if I can just keep thinking and remember about it, I think I would really just .... keep in mind who was truly there. Who had a real purpose. Who was really admittedly real and knew about the events that they were talking about... about who really knew what how it was like to be at fault and admit to it. To be flawed is one thing and it's hard to forgive; but to be flawed and deny it, that is the hardest to forgive.
The story was never about four you know. You've made that perfectly clear lately.
I'm trying to make it even more clear. I was gone for a long while and this the result. Things might not be the same as it was... the feeling is, it won't be, but I'm trying purge. I'm trying to remind the one before that life without the influence of that empire... before the fiction that we live... there was something about it. It survived, it's weaker than before but it survived the test of all the crap your definition has put it through.
So why not just be rid of me? And cut it all from the roots?
Because your definition amuses me now. I honestly think there is still a purpose for it despite that years have made it weaker; and maybe this might be the year it ends, but you can't refute the fact that when you see her, when she talks, when she gives you all her puns, all her boasting, and all her shyness.... you smile. I even feel the reason for it. As difficult as she is, she is fragile, warm, and so flawed and you can see it.
And what of you? What are you making out of all this? What will you do?
I will do what I said I will do. The catalyst will surely make me adjust, but at the very least, I can try.
Are you sure? At the end of the day, you know it won't save this lifetime.
No. Too many decisions have been made and too many things have been done. Too much time wasted. But at least I can make a mark in this one.
And what of the other one?
If you really think about it, what has this person really done to make things better? A consolation price? Your definition wasn't on so who came in place? I wasn't around for my own, so she took the place? The pattern, the motive, the fact that she kept feeding the darkness in our time of need, self-righteousness and concealing information that could have turned the tide... this person was never really good for anything; she wasn't your friend. A good seller, but not a true friend. If I had the means, I would bring all the unjust this person has done and let it be this lifetime she feels the angst and the pain. Hell, I'd make it even less dramatic and just wish that life stops altogether. I have met people like these. People with a poisonous purpose; cowards and snakes in the grass. She's staying because she knows she can do damage.
Are you not a bit daunted?
Why? Because she's gathered up enough information? Spent months and months and months creating a 'back up' plan to do battle with something far more sentimental and powerful than her? I'm boasting. I'm letting this out in the public because I know I will make a difference. And as I said, if my fight is loss, then so be it; least I know I can say I tried. If she has corrupted the roots that much, then all to her. At least i know that in the end, I tried to be live up to my fault, fight for my cause, and truly was honest to myself and to my so called friends. A person who knows that they are the reason for things not getting better and yet decides to stay in the way is a person who truly is the definition of a fallacy; the one person we should have never met. The one person that truly was the true tainted mark in the fictions we were trying to create. Honesty? Give me a break. I bet she gets up in the morning and lies to herself in the mirror and recites just 'how good of a person I am' stupid speech. A person who has lived with doors unlocked and never really felt how it was like to be broken and destroyed, lost and confused, ridiculed and made to believe they were nothing; enduring is a different definition when one steps into my lifetime. But... something else is amidst the day.
Tomorrow is going to be the day.
Yeah. I know. Tomorrow is going to make a difference.
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