Monday, May 14, 2018

Masterless and Rage

What? Why are you knocking? 

I had a dream. Something I haven't had in a long while. 

You've had this dream for a long while now. Why come to me now with this?

She seemed stuck. Like a message that I needed to go back and ... do something. Something that may realign certain things. I have tried to ignore it, but it seems to just be there.

You must be out of your mind.

When was the last time we had a message like this? When was the last time I Dreamed of something so clear? It was asking. Pleading. It brought back feelings that haven't been there in such a time. 

Dreams do that. And maybe this dream has that significant meaning like before, but may I remind you that consequences of chasing dreams. Of reaching out and seeking. 

Have my dreams ever been wrong? In context, from how we deciphered them, had they ever been entirely out of the question or the path it was trying to lead us? 

Your dreams always told you of a path, but it never told you about the others and how they would react or how they wouldn't. It's not like acting on those dreams paid off. 

But What if? 

You know what you were there? You know what you meant in that fiction we lived? You were a writing board; a blank piece of white board for everyone to write their oaths, their sentiments, and something to help them define how it sounded when they wanted to recite promises and acts of friendship. You were a definition. A building block. You were the REASON for it all. But the moment that they found out that they couldn't leave their doors unlocked, the moment they found out that life and friendship meant GIVING back and working for something, they left you high and dry. Which is why doing this, reaching out, trying all over again... it all means that THE HARD WORK is on you again. It's up to YOU to reach out again... only to be hurt and given the same answer all over again. Because when was the last time they gave a fuck? When was the last time their words of 'I care' meant something in the end? As far as I can tell, from this stand point, each and every one of them are just somebody that you used to know. 

And her? 

SHE made her bed. She chose her side for the sake of civility and to keep things quiet and not because it was right. So, yes, I know how you feel. But I'm not going to reach out to a dead end. I'm not going to work for people who won't reciprocate anymore. 

What of the dream? They're not going to stop, you know.

Keep them. Each dream is a bullet. Next life time, use them to reach out with precision.

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