It's been a long time.
I've been caught up with so much. Lacking sleep. Unable to truly focus on what is and what isn't as of late.
And how has that been?
How has things been with you?
More or less the same I guess.
Still missing?
Of course. Those little windows of hellos, as occasional as they have been ... helps but it's not where I want it to be.
In this lifetime, I don't think it's going to be that way.
And what about you? Yours?
I'm still in the limbo. Still wondering why the hell did I ever give sentiments and try... when I'm the only one who seems to care and mean such sentiments and the only one who truly tries to be better. Everyone else is just there... boasting acts of 'doing so' and heroism and words of 'love'. In the end... I feel like... I... you... "we" are the only ones truly making an effort to make a better tomorrow... even being depleted and running on fumes.
What can we expect these days, right? If only friendship truly is magical as certain things dictate they are.
Friendship isn't magic. It is only truly magical if one does not have a bad side. If one ... is made out of false hope and obliviousness. We aren't going to be that, you know?
I know.
Funny... I seek for a few that share the same things as me... but also share the same weight with their words. People who know the meaning of honor and 'trying' to be better than their mistakes. People who try to be better than the tragedy that befalls them. People who are real... Real and not governed by self motivations of wanting to be heroic or ones who claim unconditional love.
You've been truly thinking about this the whole time?
I guess I just needed a day to let this out. I've been ... thinking about my other group of friends. People who share NOTHING in common with me aside from mutual respect and the sense of 'trying to be better'. But they feast on a different hype. They aren't like me and I am the lone wolf when it comes to preference..... but they are true friends. Real people who aren't boastful because they want medals or praises.
Mine doesn't. She's just a bit ... lost and sometimes idiotic. Moronic maybe and ... not used to someone who truly means what they say outside her concept of 'love'. I don't really think she even knows the meaning of it. She's just as lost as the rest of them but at least...
... She tries. Funny thing. This year is about finding out that no matter how hard you work, how hard you endure and try... the people that say they'll be with you are truly just there when they share a certain image. No one tries to live up to their word.... they're just as false as one's second life. Avatars. Fluff and dementia.
So where do we go from here?
This year seems to not be as distorted and taxing as the last one... but as I said... we got to realize what generally peoples' true colors are. So from here... we just keep going... if not for us... for the legacy.
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