"I'm Awake. I'm Alive."

I was going to write something profound and cathartic, but I ended up reading my old blog from way back when... Wow. 

That my friends/kids/ and to the rest of society is a reason why one SHOULD NEVER be on drugs. Actually... HERE:

"a general thought... everyone else can relate... a distortion that was created through the laments of never ending patterns... now read...

"Left to Wonder... Wander..."

    The days went on like they always do.  The pattern of redundancy that i have gotten used to. Not because I want to, but beccause I have to. And with the reoccuring waves of time also comes the act of  accumulating everyday as part of the memories treasured inside my soul. Memories..words...poems...yeah. I know..You said so much. all of you poured it out like a body of water ravaging through the walls that kept it in the damn.

Said too much, maybe? Or maybe different euphorias caused a glitch of words that were meant to stay inside ... forever locked away and never to mature. Wouldn't that be wrong though to just keep them inside a cold dessolate darkness and never get the priviledge of indulging the fresh air? Like a child locked insider a room, tied to a chair for the rest of her life and never allowed to feel the contradicting beauty of humanity. Is that wrong? Maybe. But I think the most cruel part is to let it out and leave me with the acrid confusion.  It was set on my lap and it was implied that I consolidate them myself  while everyone else abandons the sentiments and the potent emotions with all the memories... words.. poems... It's like a last samurai promised an honored death, only to stab his katana through his gut with no one to cut off his head and end the agony.

Now I'm left to wander...wonder about.. the whatever..so now I sit on an empty couch with all of us painted as ghosts... staring at my white walls and maybe my eyes are dancing with illusions...  I'm all alone left to wonder.. with nowhere just yet to take freedom  and wander.. Fuck.

Fuck..."

Someone was on some fucking drugs.... 

I need some sleep now. I'm disgusted that whoever was behind this pen USED to be somebody that I know. 

That somebody used to be me... 

I really used to be like that?! And I know I may seem like the guilty one awake this 'late/early' but I think my reasons are a bit more viable than way back when. 

One can't admonish me anymore for the way I used to stay up til the break of dawn(and not the fucking twilight movie either) writing and creating words because.... the shit I used to do and write about way back when.......

I was insane back then.